Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
