I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize