i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
