Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
