i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize