Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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