Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i out mim tonsoeep
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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