everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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