it wasn't lemon gatorade
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
