She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
