Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
