just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
