I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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