I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
