UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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