Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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