Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
