I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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