Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
