maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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