I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
