Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
