please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I need moral support for this bender
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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