nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
