Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
