I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
birth control should be required to get into college
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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