this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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