the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
