I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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