No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
