The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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