all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
