I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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