They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
