but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Pants are for mortals
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
