You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
two words: eviction party
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
