Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
