i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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