I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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