he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
