i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
