apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
