I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
