Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize