he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
