All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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