He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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