Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
