going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
