Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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