it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
