I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
