in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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