i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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