That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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