i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My balls are so social today.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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