you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
