we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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