i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
