Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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