I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
