Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
