Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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