On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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