i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
