I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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