All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
