You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
...so i touched it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
