I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
