when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
