After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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