Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
