well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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