So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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