Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i need some magic done to my vagina
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
