I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
