Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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