i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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