Princesses don't give blow jobs
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
