I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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