I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
