He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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