I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
