By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
whose parrot is this?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
